The Swedish Chef

I remember the Swedish Chef from the Muppet show very well. I had so much fun watching his antics all throughout the shows and it made such a riot even while other sequences were showing. Thus, in commemoration of the great chef, here's some bork, bork, bork!

Zee Pruffesseeunel Gembler

Dooreeng zee Greet Depresseeun, zeere-a ves a mun vhu velked intu a ber oone-a dey. He-a vent up tu zee bertender und seeed, "Bertender, I'd leeke-a tu booy zee huoose-a a ruoond ooff dreenks."

Zee bertender seeed, "Thet's feene-a, boot ve're-a in zee meeddle-a ooff zee Depresseeun, su I'll need tu see-a sume-a muney furst."

Zee gooy poolled oooot a hooge-a ved ooff beells und set zeem oon zee ber. Zee bertender cun't beleeefe-a vhet he's seeeeng. "Vhere-a deed yuoo get ell thet muney?" esked zee bertender. Bork Bork Bork!

"I'm a pruffesseeunel gembler," repleeed zee mun. Bork Bork Bork!

Zee bertender seeed, "Zeere's nu sooch theeng! I meun, yuoor oodds ere-a feeffty-feeffty et best, reeght?"

"Vell, I oonly bet oon soore-a theengs," seeed zee gooy. Bork Bork Bork!

"Leeke-a vhet?" esked zee bertender. Bork Bork Bork!

"Vell, fur ixemple-a, I'll bet yuoo feeffty dullers thet I cun beete-a my reeght iye-a," he-a seeed. Bork Bork Bork!

Zee bertender thuooght ebooot it. "Ookey," he-a seeed. Bork Bork Bork!

Su, zee gooy poolled oooot hees felse-a reeght iye-a und beet it. "Ev, yuoo scrooed me-a," seeed zee bertender, und peeed zee gooy hees $50. Bork Bork Bork!

"I'll geefe-a yuoo unuzeer chunce-a. I'll bet yuoo unuzeer feeffty dullers thet I cun beete-a my lefft iye-a," seeed zee strunger. Bork Bork Bork!

Zee bertender thuooght egeeen und seeed, "Vell, I knoo yuoo're-a nut bleend, I meun, I vetched yuoo velk in here-a. I'll teke-a thet bet." Su, zee gooy poolled oooot hees felse-a teet und beet hees lefft iye-a. Bork Bork Bork!

"Ev, yuoo scrooed me-a egeeen!" prutested zee bertender. Bork Bork Bork!

"Thet's hoo I veen su mooch muney, bertender. I'll joost teke-a a bottle-a ooff yuoor best scutch in leeeoo ooff zee feeffty dullers," seeed zee mun. Bork Bork Bork!

Veet thet, zee gooy vent tu zee beck ruum und spent zee better pert ooff zee neeght pleyeeng cerds veet sume-a ooff zee lucels. Effter muny huoors ooff dreenking und cerd pleyeeng, he-a stoombled up tu zee ber. Droonk es a skoonk, he-a seeed, "Bertender, I'll geefe-a yuoo oone-a lest chunce-a. I'll bet yuoo feefe-a hoondred dullers thet I cun stund oon thees ber oon oone-a fuut und peess intu thet vheeskey bottle-a oon thet shelff beheend yuoo veethuoot speelling a drup."

Zee bertender oonce-a egeeen pundered zee bet. Zee gooy cuooldn't ifee stund up streeeght oon tvu feet, mooch less oone-a. "Ookey, yuoo're-a oon," he-a seeed. Bork Bork Bork!

Zee gooy cleembed up oon zee ber, stuud oon oone-a leg, und begun peessing ell oofer zee plece-a. He-a heet zee ber, zee bertender, heemselff, boot nut a drup mede-a it intu zee vheeskey bottle-a. Bork Bork Bork!

Zee bertender ves icstetic. Loogheeng, zee bertender seeed, "Hey pel, yuoo oove-a me-a feefe-a hoondred dullers!"

Zee gooy cleembed doon ooffff zee ber und seeed, "Thet's ookey. I joost bet iech ooff zee gooys in zee cerd ruum a thuoosund boocks iech thet I cuoold peess ell oofer yuoo und zee ber und still meke-a yuoo loogh!"

Happy April Fools Everyone! Bork! Bork! Bork!